I’m really sick of struggling being my whole personality at the moment. Objectively I get it because it has been a hell of a few years and that stuff would grind anyone into a thick unpleasant paste, but still…

Complicated children, some health issues, and a sprinkling of poor decision seasoning all added to a pandemic and the loss of a parent is going to beat the hobbies out of you, but still…

It’s hard to take time to do something as simple as read a book, or scribble a picture when you are basically trapped in a situation that requires you to either be building, thinking about building, raising the money to keep building. This is one of those times where the only way out is through, and believe me I have run all the simulations. I know if I can just keep juggling and shuffling there is a good chance I will be done by July, and moved shortly afterwards. At which point money should sort itself out and stress should return to normal levels. I’m kind of counting on it, and by kinda I mean completely counting on it.

So tomorrow I will be back in the truck heading to cabin with a bunch of materials purchased on credit that hopefully I can pay for next month by selling some furniture and other tat. Working hard enough to keep myself too exhausted to worry and then coming home to a bowl of cereal and valium.

But maybe this time next year I will be back being the affable wanderer that spends his days drinking coffee and filling sketchbooks with something other than building plans and shopping lists.