It’s been over three years now of constant distraction. A never ending treadmill of jobs, stress, food, pills, shopping, surface level chats, and social media posts. A functional wreck with a smile holding back a dam full of tears and acceptance. Not only have I not dealt with grief, guilt, anger… I have let it…

I woke up with my shoulders on fire from a few days of working above my head on rafters and ceilings. The desire to take some painkillers and lay on the couch all day was very strong. Luckily it’s only a couple of days after a new year so there is a still a sliver…

I’m really sick of struggling being my whole personality at the moment. Objectively I get it because it has been a hell of a few years and that stuff would grind anyone into a thick unpleasant paste, but still… Complicated children, some health issues, and a sprinkling of poor decision seasoning all added to a…

As any technically minded individual will be able to tell you all electronic devices have an inner core of magic smoke that makes them function. Which is why when you see a puff of smoke escaping from your laptop it doesn’t work anymore, because of the lack of aforementioned magic smoke. Although I am not…

Today at the farm I saw a tawny frogmouth owl. I have never seen one there (or anywhere) before, let alone a stones throw from where I was. I will acknowledge that they have a very effective camouflage routine of pretending to be a branch so it’s possible it has been there and I haven’t…

Today was a day off from working on the the cabin, so I set the fire to the beacons. Yes I did say Gondor calls for aid! as the flames took hold. There is something about tending a fire that pushes everything else out of my mind for a while. It’s a task that requires…

When I went through a serious bout of PSTD induced insomnia a few years ago I was pretty much ready to check out a few times. But with a lot of work and a very strict sleep routine I managed to reset myself and get back to a more or less normal sleep schedule. Which…

I’m still recovering from todays endo and colonoscopy, they rummaged around quite a bit apparently. It certainly feels like they did and any food I put in is making a quicker than normal journey through. From the still slightly buzzed chat with the surgeon I have an exciting new regimen of drugs to look forward…

Well, maybe great is overselling it, how about “The lets turn this period of turmoil into something positive with the energy and resources we have available at the moment”. Now that may not roll off the tongue, but it is a probably a great deal more accurate. The elder child is leaving the nest and…