The spoon theory if you don’t know is popular when explaining how chronic illness etc limits what you can do, usually to people who say things like “you don’t look sick”.

Spoon theory explains what it’s like to live with a fatiguing chronic illness. You start the day with a set amount of ability to do things (spoons), and everything you do requires energy, from making breakfast to talking to people, the theory uses spoons to demonstrate how much energy such tasks require.

Getting up, making the bed, may use one spoon. Apportionments, cleaning, or working may take four or more. People without a disability or chronic health problems normally wake with enough spoons to get through the day and not need to worry that they’ll run out of energy.

But a person with a chronic health condition or disability will generally start the day wake with a limited number of spoons. Symptoms, as well as activity will use up those spoons throughout their day. If they use more spoons than they have, they may get exhausted and and not be able to do anything for the rest of the day. And if they push through they may have even worse symptoms and fewer spoons tomorrow.

So why do I hate it? Well it’s definitely not because it’s wrong, or unhelpful. I hate it because having to explain a situation to people with an analogy is draining. I don’t enjoy being sick, and having to explain it to other people so they don’t think I’m being lazy or unsociable feels a bit like asking for sympathy. Which is more than a little humiliating, especially when they have that “you don’t look sick/disabled” mindset.

It would be nice if we just accept that people knew our own limits and just let us get on with things without have to use our limited resources explaining things.

Writing this probably took a whole damn spoon.