Fat Bunny

Tag: grief

  • Is that a Light?…

    After a couple of years of removing stuff from the farm it is now officially just back to a big job. I know this because every person who sees the property tells me so. “This is a big job” they say, “you should have seen it last week/month/year” I say, and we all laugh. Well…

  • Winter Days…

    June is usually a bad month for me, not least because it’s my birthday on the 8th, and while I’ve never had a healthy relationship with it as a day it kind of really started to become stressful about 17 years ago with the death of my stepmother. Her birthday was on the 6th of…

  • Am I doing it Deliberately?

    Thirty minutes ago I managed to trigger a full on PTSD attack in the supermarket with my own voice… and I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I spent the day yesterday with my X-Wife, happily doing her a favor but also selfishly spending a day with a grownup with a brain for the first time…

  • Lab Work…

    It’s been a long week, and one of those especially difficult ones where I am forced to keep the fixed grin of functioning on. I was doing pretty well until about lunchtime when the wheels came off completely. Nothing dramatic just the proverbial straw on a camel thing. To be honest it wasn’t going to…

  • Mountains or Icebergs…

    Just when you think you’re getting over things something happens that makes you realize you definitely have some work to do. I text with my ex-wife on semi regular basis, we share two kids and years of experiences so that’s kind of understandable. Normally it can go days in between responses, from both of us…

  • Holes…

    It’s been a hard day, which is why I’ve been in super distract myself mode. In the past I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t joke/spend/eat etc my way through. But I seem to have lost that ability, my dark humour that used to get me through things isn’t really working anymore, in fact I’ve…

  • F.I.N.E…

    I am, and then I’m not. Every time I go to farm I’m convinced I’m getting better, and it’s no too bad this time… then a few hours later I’m a drained mess trying to avoid closing my eyes because of the flashbacks. Maybe I stood in the wrong room too long? Maybe it’s the…

  • Visits…

    My father used to visit at least once a week. He would call about an hour beforehand and I would rush about cleaning the house before he arrived. It was a great system, no motivation required on my part. There are no more visits now, and I forget that about three times a week as…

  • It Sneaks Up…

    I’ve been feeling increasingly out of sorts all day. The objectionable sharp tongued me that I don’t like and rarely surfaces these days has been let out today, and I didn’t know why. I’m tired and stressed and that’s pretty much homeostasis for me at the moment. And then it hit me… my social media…