Today I did a full online grocery shop, for pretty much the first time since the pandemic, when it wasn’t optional. I was able to focus on a task that I found excruciatingly difficult in the past and I actually said “so that’s what that feels like” out loud.

The doctor said the medication would basically either work immediately (or not at all), but I was very skeptical about that as I don’t believe in magic bullets, and I am still waiting for it all to go away.

But today my mind is sharp and clear and not trying to wander off and chase metaphorical squirrels. It is also apparently capable of spending an hour filling a virtual shopping basket with groceries, while comparing prices and getting everything on the list. Except there was no list, which is frankly astounding because when I shop I either have a comprehensive list or I come home with half the items missing. Actually even with a list I manage to miss an item or two.

Obviously it is early days behind the wheel of amphetamine powered grey matter, so I don’t know how this is going to effect *waves arms* life but I am not handing back the pill bottle.

I have to go back to the psychiatrist soon to discuss if the medication is helping and adjust dosage etc, and although initially I was planning on just seeing him for the initial diagnosis and follow up, but then switching to a GP that can write ADHD medication scripts.

I suspect that would have been a bad idea because I can already tell there is going to be some stuff to work through. I can already tell there is some anger and resentment bubbling away about this being missed my entire life. It’s probably better I avoid my mother for a while, and I won’t be rushing to let her know about the diagnosis, because that will 100% result in an argument that may be impossible to come back from, so lets put a pin in that for now.

I’m sure once the novelty of a “normal” brain wears off I will have a whole of grief about missed opportunities etc so that will probably be a fun ride that requires the expensive couch of a trained professional, but for now I’m just going to take myself out for a test drive and see what this bad boy can do in the corners…